Watch out below!

I got some very nice messages following my first post, many thanks!

We are now about 14 weeks into my new chess endeavor. In the beginning everything went well : you win some, you lose some. A new puzzle streak high score, ...

But last week I wasn't able to win anything. Didn't spot basic tactics, got myself into skewers, hung pieces, ... You name it and I did it. What did I do? Tilt of course! I started to play classical games back-to-back, but churned through them as if they were rapid or blitz games. And so the spiral began. I saw my rating go down, but kept on playing for a few more days instead of taking a step back.

My rating plunged a good 250 points. So watch out below!

A few months ago this happened to me once already and in a fit of frustration I closed down my account. And I must say it crossed my mind again, and to quit chess altogether for good afterwards. I once heard the clock is another piece during a blitz game; but for me the emotions are far more important to try and tackle now.

How I Learned Try to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb Ignore Online Rating

I feel that I am not in control of my emotions during a game of chess. I do not act, but only react! When my opponent plays quickly, I play quickly too. When my opponent plays aggressive I go and hide in a corner instead of calculating and noticing that aggressive play can leave my opponent overstretched and vulnerable to counterplay.

I do not feel this when I play a casual game, hence I can state that I suffer from rating anxiety. I consider this one of by biggest foes and something that is seriously holding me back. I tend to solve hundreds of puzzles, study strategic concepts, study opening lines, ... but when do I practice them? When do I use them? You are quite right, I don't! So I have decided to try and stop worrying about online rating, and truly start to trust the process. Because in the end I do not play chess for a living, it is a game I play for my enjoyment. Obsessing about one's chess rating at my level is purely a first world problem. I have a regular daytime job, a loving family with 3 epic and out-of-control children. Nobody cares about my rating! Feel free to contact me if you disagree!

Consistency is key

So now that I have admitted that this bloody rating is holding me back and is making me tilt, the trick is to try and get rid of it. Knowing myself this will not be easy but I have tried to list some tips for myself :

1. No blitz or bullet.
2. Don't try and match the speed of my opponent aka hands of the mouse in between moves!
3. Stop playing when I lose 2 games in a row. The only exception is during a swiss tournament when pre-specified at the start.
4. Play using Zen mode from now on.
5. Stay away from the 'other' chess website. Too many bells and whistles.
6. Focus on improvement, not rating.
7. Distance myself from my results. Making a stupid move isn't equal to being stupid.

I think that when I try and implement this guideline consistently, the anxiety will eventually start to dull down.

The social media conundrum

Lastly, I am also going to try and stop posting rating goals on my social media accounts. I think that (for me personally, every person is different) posting rating successes, goals and so on potentializes rating anxiety as it emphasizes your identity as a chess player. I will keep following all of the lovely chesspunks out there though!

Most fun game of the week

Can't conclude this post without some actual chess. Here is the chess game I enjoyed playing the most during the last week. I lost my advantage during the middle game (what else is new, hehehe) but was able to find the perpetual check in the position to force a draw!

But even here you can see I played way too fast. There is a lot of work to do still besides studying opening lines, endgames and puzzles!