Is it a good idea to try to improve at chess as an adult?

Playing Studying chess is fun!

I started playing chess when I was a child, as so many of us. When I was 12 I joined the high school chess club and played there every Saturday. But after a few years I stopped going and when it was time to go to university all chess activities stopped. I started playing go when studying medicine in Ghent, and it was fun I admit. But over the last 2 years I stopped playing go and returned to chess.

Since then I have taken classes, done a ton of puzzles and of course added to my chess book pile of shame. One thing is missing, and that is playing games!

Playing chess online isn't fun?

I don't know if I am the only one but I always tend to find an excuse not to play chess online. Is it because of the rating points? Probably not. Is it because of the fear of realizing all of my potential for chess improvement is gone? I am currently 38 years of age, father of 3 children and full-time employed clinical researcher. I also need to finish my PhD that I started after my hematology training ... See the excuses coming?

Someone needs to start holding me accountable for my behavior and make me play games!

I don't have the ambition of becoming a titled player, and I can stand my own at the chess club. But in the end it al boils down to my fear of being seen as a bad chess player! Because honestly, who actually cares about online rating? I think in the end I need someone just needs to hold me accountable for this behavior and make me play games!

When I listen to the Perpetual Chess Podcast I always feel a brief moment of motivation to study and improve. It motivates me to play games and analyze them. But then I see the vast amount of courses, information, etc out there and I don't know where to begin and I lack the time to go over all of it. So I stop playing again. This process has been going on for 2 years now and I want to stop acting like this. I even closed down all my accounts once because I was so frustrated. Those that follow me on twitter know that I tend to do that there sometimes too. It's a bad habit that I have sworn to never do again.

A chess blog is the answer?

Is this blog the answer? Will this be the magical solution to my chess procrastination? Will it keep me motivated? No, not at all! But perhaps it will allow me to think of chess in another way and make me think about my games in another way. We will see.

My return to rapid chess on lichess

Onwards to the chess side of things! Let's have a look at my return to lichess a couple of days ago!

I played this game a couple of days ago. It really sums up the problem that I have at the moment. I play the opening and all is well. But then in the middlegame the anxiety kicks in and I start rushing, making blunders in a row. Sometimes I can turn it around (like in this game). But am I proud of this game? No. And if I have a few of these games I start thinking that "I'm just a fool thinking that studying chess will ever make me a better player", and I move away from rapid/classical online chess and do puzzle streaks, tactic trainings, daily games (which is even detrimental to chess improvement in a way, imho). So this is exactly why I wrote this blogpost, to write about my occasional frustration as an means of dealing with it. That way I will perhaps stop quitting chess. Because in the end it is the best game of all, no?

Will this be a regular thing?

I don't know. The plan for the moment is to add to the blog when I see something interesting or play a game I want to share. Thanks for dropping by! And I promise I'm not as negative of a person as this one post would suggest! :-)